Saturday, May 17, 2008

Sex Is Not a Game ?

Sex Is Not a Game

Sammul Chan’s character in was a calm, cautious, and perfectionist one. His character was under a big pressure just because of an inadvertent small mistake that he had made. His love life was also full of twists and turns. In real life, Sammul admitted that he was wild, made mistakes, and was hurt. But he always thinks that love makes one hopeful.

Sammul thinks highly of love, dating, and marriage. “Love makes one happy and hopeful. It’s an essential thing to have in your life. Many people think that love is only about dating, hugging, or having sex with your partner, but is it only that shallow? Is it true that the reason to date someone is just for the sake of having someone to accompany you?”

A brief happiness, then a deep sadness
There are some people who are in love with each other that are having a premarital sex without carefully considering the consequences first. Sammul feels sorry for those people. “What is your intention when having sex with someone who’s not married to you? Where is the essence of sex? Can you have it that easily? Is your partner willing? A brief happiness can result in a deep sadness afterward, is that worth it? Just take raping for example. Forcing a girl to have sex with you when she’s not willing to is okay for some people, but the doer will be engraving a deep hurt and trauma in her life for sure. Basically, a healthy marriage won’t hurt each other.”

For Sammul, sex if for continuing the lineage, and is an important base for a marriage. It is definitely not a game. “Having sex first then get married is like putting the cart before the horse. What is the rule that is established in marriage? What is meant by signing a marriage certificate? We have to be responsible for everything that we’ve done. We have to be committed and be brave to face it. We’re not like animals, and we have to know what is the essence of sex. Dating is a preparation before marriage, equpping oneself to walk with his/her partner in harmony, taking care of each other to live their lives together onwards.”

Dating really makes one enthusiastic, because a perfect romance can make people envious. But everyone can make mistakes, especially when one’s still young. Young people are passionate about love and are curious about it, thus making them want to try. If one makes a mistake at the beginning, what can he do next then?”

After making the mistake…
“There are a lot of impulsive young people thinking that having a premarital sex is in vogue, but they don’t consider the consequences first. What if the girl gets pregnant? God created people with a will to choose between right and wrong. He doesn’t have to control them by grabbing their hand away from sin and taking them to the right track. Everyone makes mistake and the important thing is one has to know how to clean up the mess. If you make the mistake when you’re young and are willing to face the consequences, I will still admire you.”

But Sammul indicated that we can’t really put the blame on the youth for their mistakes. “To some scales, Hong Kong youth are really open-minded, but we can’t really put all of the blame on them. Open-minded or not depends on the society’s tolerancy and acceptance. We also have to see the factors and the strength of the surrounding people’s adaption. Hong Kong is a free society, thus the parents’ responsibilities are very important as they have to educate their children, not just telling apart their right and wrong behavior. Many parents feel awkward to teach or even talk to their children about sex, thus vehemently declining to discuss it with their children. Parents should be more open-minded in chatting with their children personally about anything, for example about life skills, and the problems that may come up in dating and marriage, etc.”

Sammul used the “1+1” equation as a metaphor to describe the importance of sex education. “Why do we know that 1+1 equals 2 instead of 1? Why do we understand English and Chinese? It’s because we have learned them since we’re young. Why then sex education is not taught as a life-long lesson? I think sex education should be a compulsory subject to be learned by young students.”

Remember to always leave when you are tempted
Sammul looks mature and serious, but he also has some childishness in his face. Having been young, he has hurt and been hurt by others in his love and work life. He also told us that he has done something that makes him regretful up until now. He learned how to think clearly and calmly from those experiences.

When young people are facing a temptation and hesitation, Sammul advised, “They first of all have to leave the place to calm themselves. When you have that desire to have sex, you have to leave at once, and then think again whether you really have to do it, or whether it was only an impulsion.”

Sammul really hopes he can do something more for the youth and encourage them. “There are some things that one has to experience for himself to understand something. I won’t say proudly that I never did that, but I will always remember what the Bible says about it, ‘Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. ‘ Life is short, and not all of the youth know that they can’t put the clock back, so do they still have time for lust? If you have some ample time, spend them by traveling, playing some sports, pursuing a higher education degree, or learning some new skills that are more useful.”

* eSeong Network USer Reviews *

* ) I guess Sammul is an old fashioned type of guy who believes that you should get married before sex. This is a rare trait in society these days as young people view sex so casually. Samuul admits that he has made mistakes in the past and want to past on advice to young people about having casual sex. If he wasn't an actor i believe he would make a great councillor as he's so level headed for his age and celebrity!

* ) The only problem that I have with his statements is from this part, "Just take raping for example. Forcing a girl to have sex with you when she’s not willing to is okay for some people, but the doer will be engraving a deep hurt and trauma in her life for sure. Basically, a healthy marriage won’t hurt each other."

1. Rape is not about sex; it's about power, control and domination. If a partner is raping the other it is not because they are horny. And it's not only men who rape. Women rape too.

2. A healthy marriage and a healthy pre-marital relationship will have partners who will try not to hurt each other (let's face it, it is inevitable to hurt your partner's feelings sometimes). And there is such a thing as marital rape. I don't see why he equates premarital sex with rape and marriage with a healthy relationship. They don't always go hand-in-hand.

* ) I agree that he equating pre-marital sex with rape is not right. He totally get the wrong concept. Pre-martial sex can be consensual and not hurting either parties.

But, I still like his old fashion way of thinking. At least, it shows that he takes relationship seriously and knows that sex comes with responsibility. If more youngsters think like him, there won't be so many teenage pregnancies and unwanted babies.

* ) Sammul's view i admit its old fashion but I still support his view, because that means he takes things seriously and he doesn't just fool around.

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